Ever wondered what BDSM is and why you should experiement with it in the bedroom? In this enlightening blog post, we embark on a journey guided by our sexpert Debbie, shares her knowledge on the topic of BDSM.
What is BDSM, and why experiment with it in the bedroom?
BDSM stands for: Bondage – tied/tying up or restrained/restraining someone, Discipline/Domination – Power play, Sadism/Submission – Sadism is enjoying inflicting pain, Masochism – Enjoyment from experiencing pain.
For some people BDSM is a kink, they enjoy it from time to time but don’t need it for sexual satisfaction. For others it’s a fetish, a requirement for pleasure.
It’s the taking away of senses and heightening others; limiting movement or shifting in control. This can be a source of real enjoyment for many. Perhaps it’s a form of escapism from everyday roles or labels. A release, finding pleasure from the taboo or just something you’ve always fancied giving a try.
Experimenting with BDSM can lead to another level of connection for sexual partners. But, there must be a lot of trust, this kind of play requires time and explores each other’s boundaries.
Can you be a feminist and enjoy BDSM?
Absolutely. Feminism is about equality for all. BDSM good practice is deeply entrenched in respect; although from the outside looking in it may not seem like it. Once you understand good safe practice you will see it’s about pleasure for all.
Discovering your sexual self, being free to do so without shame or judgement is perhaps one of the strongest feminist moves of all. Deciding your role in BDSM rather than succumbing to the role your partner wishes for you to play. The freedom of sexual choice, sexual pleasure and sexual play.
For many women, BDSM is an escape from the mental load. Choice is taken away from them. They are able to explore a loss of control and let go.
What are tips for BDSM beginners?
The 3 Cs...
Communication: Know each other’s limits appreciating they may change.
Consent: Just because someone consented to BDSM play before doesn’t mean they do the next time. Every act needs consent.
Comfort: Just like many things, the fantasy of BDSM may not match the reality. Porn can lead us to think it’s all going to look or feel a certain way. It needs to be enjoyable for all involved. Find your comfort levels.
Aftercare – BDSM play can be super intense. So take time after. Lie or sit with each other. Come slowly from that BDSM space back to real life. The drop or come down can be difficult to navigate.
Start slow – don’t go straight into full hog tie with ball gag. Take time to explore what works for you. Playing with smaller individual elements first and work your way up.
What are the BDSM essentials every couple needs?
For any sexual play. Lube. Lube. Lube. Especially if taking time to explore BDSM and sexual stimulation. So Divine’s intimate water-based lube is great place to start!
Looking at beginner items. Why not try:
Silk Restraints are a great starter. These are very sensual, and not quite as severe as ropes etc. The tying of these types of restraints is like a build-up, foreplay even and those like So Divine’s Silk Restraints have clips that make them super easy to use.
Blindfolds are an exciting element. Pair with maybe a feather tickler and see where feels good, or fun. Laugh together.
Body safe candles. Dripped on a person’s body to play with that pain boundary. Taking it further to spank paddles or whips for a different type of sensation.
Nipple suckers, for those that like nipple play but are a bit scared of the clamps. Try these instead.
A mini massage wand, these can be used to explore all the exterior parts of the body with a mixture of vibration settings. See what reactions it gets.
