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So Divine

Whether you’re someone who sets New Year’s Resolutions or not, pleasure is a gift and something we should all be enjoying more of (especially after the last couple of years!) so we wanted to kick things off right this year and begin prioritising our pleasure. “How can I do that?” we hear you cry…These 8 Pleasure Resolutions for 2022 from Jess Wilde should get you started. Got extras we left off the list? Or maybe you have a pleasure mantra you already follow? Add your own in the comments section; we love to hear how you keep pleasure at the top of your priorities list.

1. I will make time for pleasure

Prioritising your pleasure starts with making time for it. You make time for other important self-care routines, like showering and brushing your teeth (or at least I hope you do!) and sexual pleasure is just as important. When it comes to solo-lovin’, my top-tip is to combine masturbation with another self-care routine, like showering or taking a bath. Not only is this an easy place to get some alone time, but there is a lock on the door and you’re already naked - win-win! For couples who play together, make time by scheduling intimacy. This can be as simple as setting a day (or several) of the week or, if you have unusual weekly patterns, plan it around your time off eg “I have Wednesday off next week… shall we plan some ‘us time’?”. Contrary to popular belief, booking in your sexytime can be really exciting and give you both something to look forward to.  

2. I will try new things

Many of us get stuck in a routine, performing the same activities to get us off. That could be reaching for the same sex toy, watching the same porn or repeating the same sex positions time-and-time again. It makes sense - it worked last time, so why wouldn’t you do it again? One reason it’s important to try new things is to give yourself what I like to call a ‘sexual reserve’. In other words, you give yourself other pathways to climax just in case your tried and tested method fails for some reason. What if your favourite toy breaks, or that amazing porn gets taken offline? Or, due to injury, you’re unable to get into ‘that’ sex position? How are you going to get your rocks off now? If you’ve spent time discovering other ways to achieve pleasure, and stocked up your ‘sexual reserve’, you’ll have plenty of alternative play options to explore. 

3. I will invest in my pleasure

This isn’t just about investing money (although that can be part of it), it’s also about investing time in research. If you want to get good at something, having some knowledge on the subject goes a long way, and sex and pleasure are no different. Read about sex, look up tips and ideas for play. Research toys, learn about lubes and long over lingerie to discover ideas for new things to try (see resolution 2). Then, invest some money. You don’t have to spend a fortune, but not choosing the cheapest option often results in a better experience. Sex and arousal are sensory, so it makes sense that spending a little extra on glorious lingerie fabrics, longer-lasting lubricants and high quality sex toys will give you better pleasure. Not to mention, higher priced items are usually made from body-safe materials like silicone which will keep your bits happy after the action, too. Read reviews. Check product stats. Think about what you like. And then take the plunge!

4. I will look after my toys

Look after your toys and your toys will look after you. Part of making your pleasure a priority is caring for the things which bring you pleasure. Follow these instructions every time you use sex toys:

  1. Wash your toy with antibacterial soap and warm water
  2. Pat or air dry
  3. Spritz with antibacterial sex toy cleaner
  4. Store individually in a sex toy bag or an old sock

DO NOT throw all your toys in one box or bag together. Different materials can react with one another when they touch, resulting in your toys melting or, worse, chemical burns the next time you use them. Ouch!

5. I will let go of shame 

Let go of any shame you might have around masturbation and sexual pleasure. I know this might seem easier said than done, but one thing which helps a lot of people is to remember that the World Health Organisation lists sexual pleasure as a fundamental human right, and they don’t just do that for any old thing! Another important thing to remember is that all shame is learned, and you know what that means? It can be unlearned, albeit with some practice and consistent effort. Shift the idea of sexual pleasure from a shameful place into a ‘self-care’ place in your mind. It’s as good for you as taking your vitamins and you don’t feel shame about that, do you?

6. I will talk openly and honestly 

If you like to share your sexytime with other people, it's important that you discuss your likes and dislikes with them openly and honestly. You’d discuss your dietary requirements with someone who cooks for you, so why wouldn’t you discuss your pleasure requirements with someone you’re about to have sexual relations with? 

7. I will treat my body with love and respect

Experiencing pleasure is as much a psychological act as it is a physical one, and treating your body with love and respect starts with the way you talk and think about yourself. We are all guilty of paying too much attention to areas of our body we dislike and, although many body positive influencers would say differently, it is normal to have bits of our bodies we might change given the chance (whether that be with exercise, a fresh tan, a new tattoo or even surgery) but spending too much time focusing on these areas isn’t great for your self-esteem or ability to feel and enjoy body-based pleasure. One way to combat this is to spend time concentrating on areas of your body you love. It could be your hands, your teeth, your eyes, your belly button… any part of you. Look at those parts in a mirror, and give yourself compliments. 

8. I will focus on the journey, not the destination 

The saying ‘expectations are the thief of joy’ is never more true than when referring to pleasure. Pleasure is a journey, not a destination and although orgasms are great, putting too much focus on achieving orgasm can often be detrimental to your overall pleasure. Not only does it distract you from enjoying all the immense pleasure of moving towards climax, but putting too much pressure on yourself can actually prevent you from climaxing at all. So remove the targets (we’re not at work!) and just enjoy the ride! 

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