July 5, 2025

What is the orgasm gap?

in Better Sex

What is the orgasm gap?

The orgasm gap describes the disparity between orgasms experienced by heterosexual men and heterosexual women. Studies have shown that, 91% of heterosexual men reported that they usually or always experienced an orgasm during sex, in comparison to just 39% of heterosexual women….That is an orgasm gap of 52%!

Why is there such a big orgasm gap?

Lack of education.

One of the main reasons for this gap is our cultural ignorance and the lack of knowledge/education on the clitoris. The clitoris is not just a little pleasure spot outside of the vulva, it is in fact a large internal organ made up of erectile tissue containing over 10,000 nerve fibers!

For the majority of vulva owners, orgasms can only be achieved through direct clitoral stimulation! However, it appears that many people think vaginal penetration is the best and only way for vulva owners to orgasm which is incorrect. Most people cannot orgasm from penetration alone and need clitoral stimulation. The lack of education surrounding the clitoris and female pleasure could perhaps be one of the main reasons the orgasm gap exists.

Female sexual pleasure hasn’t been considered important.

In addition to the lack of knowledge surrounding the clitoris, many women haven’t been taught to prioritise their pleasure. In heterosexual sex, it is common for the sex to end once the male partner has climaxed. Porn also reinforces this too. It is very rare to watch a man prioritise a women’s pleasure once he has ejaculated in porn. Research has suggested that people tend to copy the sexual acts they see in porn, in fact 30% of teenagers in one study claimed that porn was their initial source of sex education. So when the majority of mainstream porn focuses on male pleasure, this is also replicated in real life sex where female pleasure can be easily ignored. It influences what we think ‘normal’ sex should be like. This leads to the belief that only (p in v) penetrative sex leads to a female orgasm.

How can we close the orgasm gap?

There are a lot of things we can do to close the orgasm gap including the following...

1. Educate, educate, educate.

Educate yourself about the female anatomy. Start of by learning about the difference between the vulva and vagina as well as learning about function of the clitoris and the importance of clitoral stimulation during sex.

2. Masturbate.

If you are a vulva owner then the best place to start is by getting to know your own body through masturbation and self-exploration. Getting to know your body will enable you to learn exactly what you like and don’t like. You can then teach this to your partner(s) and show them the best technique that best works for you.

3. Experiment with sex toys.

Experiment with sex toys! Sex toys will make it easier for you to orgasm and are also great to introduce in partnered sex. Small and narrow sex toys such as bullet vibrators are a great toys to use during sex and will also make it easier for you to orgasm as you can focus on clitoral stimulation. Cock rings are also a great for partnered sex offering dual stimulation for both partners.

4. Talk to your partner about sex.

Communicating with your partner is key and is one of the most important factors in improving your sex life and orgasm potential in partnered sex. It is important to communicate with them what you like/don’t like and what techniques works best for you. Making this a habit will ensure that both you and your partner are on the same page about pleasure.

5. Stop faking orgasms.

No matter your gender, whenever you fake an orgasm, your partner will assume that what they were doing worked and was pleasurable for you. They may then use the same technique next time (which may not work for you). Rather than faking an orgasm, suggest to your partner to try a technique that you enjoy.

6. Stimulate the clitoris!!!

Perhaps the most important factor in reducing the orgasm gap… more focus needs to be on stimulating the clit. More than 80% of vulva owners cannot reach an orgasm solely through penetration! Therefore MORE focus needs to be on stimulating the clitoris rather than just P in V penetration which is less likely to lead to an orgasm.

Elevate Your Solo Play: Tips for Self-Love and Exploration

In a world often focused on relationships and partnerships, it's easy to forget the immense potential and joy of solo play. Whether you're single, in a relationship, or simply looking to enhance your personal pleasure, prioritising solo play can be a powerful tool for self-discovery, empowerment, and fulfilment. Here at So Divine, we believe in celebrating self-love in all its forms, and that includes solo play. So, let's dive into some tips to elevate your solo play experience to new heights. Create a Sensual Environment Set the mood for yourself just as you would if you were with a partner. Light some candles, play soft music, and adorn your space with items that make you feel sensual and comfortable. Creating a welcoming environment can enhance your experience and help you relax into the moment. Explore Your Fantasies Solo play is the perfect opportunity to explore your deepest desires and fantasies without inhibition. Let your imagination run wild and indulge in whatever turns you on. Whether it's through erotic literature, visual media, or simply your own thoughts, give yourself permission to explore without judgment. Invest in Quality Sex Toys A good sex toy can make all the difference in solo play! Whether you prefer vibrators, dildos, or something more unconventional, invest in high-quality toys that are body-safe and designed for pleasure. From vibrators to dildos to intimate massagers, we stock a wide range of sex toys available to suit every preference and desire! Focus on Sensation Masturbation is a chance to truly focus on your own pleasure and the sensations that bring you joy. Take your time to explore different touches, pressures, and rhythms to discover what feels best for you. Experiment with different techniques and pay attention to how your body responds. Practice Mindfulness Incorporate mindfulness into your solo play sessions by staying present and attentive to your body's sensations. Focus on the feeling of touch, the rhythm of your breath, and the pleasure you're experiencing in the moment. Mindfulness can deepen your connection to yourself and enhance the overall experience. Embrace Self-Exploration Use solo play as an opportunity for self-exploration and self-discovery. Take the time to learn about your body, what feels good, and what doesn't. Experiment with different erogenous zones and techniques to expand your pleasure potential and deepen your understanding of yourself. Prioritise Self-Care Aftercare isn't just for partnered play—it's essential for solo play too. Take care of yourself both before and after your solo play sessions by engaging in self-care practices that nurture your body and mind. Whether it's a warm bath, a soothing massage, or simply cuddling up with a good book, prioritize activities that leave you feeling nourished and cared for. Solo play is a beautiful opportunity to celebrate and explore your own pleasure in a way that is deeply personal and empowering. By following these tips and embracing the journey of self-discovery, you can elevate your solo play experience and cultivate a deeper sense of self-love and fulfilment. So, go ahead—indulge yourself, explore your desires, and revel in the pleasure of your own company. You deserve it!

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Sex & Menopause - The Good Bad & The Sexy

The good, the bad and the sexy Sex and menopause. There are two words that didn’t often sit in the same company until the likes of Davina McCall and Mariella Frostrup bravely kickstarted the long overdue discussion around what sex, sexual identity and sexual wellness looks like for the 51% of the population during menopause. For many menopausal women sex and sexual wellness is different to what it was in their 20s and 30s. There are emotional changes alongside the physical effects of low estrogen and testosterone but this doesn’t (and shouldn’t) mean the end of a women’s sexual journey. Quite the opposite! It can be the start of a new way of exploring female sexuality and a more confident quest to discover just what makes you feel good. The transformative physical and emotional journey that most women experience when going through the menopause can be undeniably difficult, but it can also be hugely positive. ‘It’s a time of liberation,’ says Davina McCall ‘It’s a time of shedding the shackles of inhibition and of giving a damn.’ It’s also time to put aside the fear, shame and dread that women once felt around talking about sex and the menopause. So let’s chat about the good, the bad and the sexy… A triple whammy Understanding what happens in your body during the menopause is important. So let’s look at what physically occurs during the three stages of menopause. Perimenopause is the time leading up to menopause when hormones start to decline, and menstrual cycles become erratic and irregular. Menopause is when you stop producing the hormones (estrogen/progesterone) that cause the menstrual cycle and when a woman has gone without having a period for 12 months she then enters the post-menopause phase. And she will stay there for the rest of her life. Each phase of the menopause can (but not always) bring with it an array of different symptoms. It’s crucial to emphasis at this point that the menopause is an individual experience and there is no blanket, one-size-fits-all ‘diagnosis’. This is not a disease, but rather a natural phase of life and each woman has her own experience of it. However, there classic symptoms and the common physical side-effects of low estrogen and testosterone include hot flushes, low libido, vaginal dryness and dyspareunia (pain during sex). Psychologically the menopause can cause low mood, lack of self-esteem, palpitations and irritability while cognitively, symptoms can include poor sleep, low energy and forgetfulness. What was I was saying? Time for a change? There are some interesting studies revealing that in cultures where older people are highly valued, a woman’s experience of the menopause tends to be an easier ride. In China, the menopause is celebrated as the ‘second spring’. In Japan, it is called ‘konenki’, which translates as ko (renewal), nen (year) and ki (energy). Conversely, in the UK the word ‘menopause’ translates as ‘cycle end’. Doesn’t sound quite as inspiring, does it? The impact of this variation in perception is significant. In Asian cultures women report fewer issues regarding their experience of the menopause. In western culture where women are judged differently, the menopause has historically been a shameful, hidden experience – a time where the sexual needs of older woman have been ignored or dismissed and hugely mis-understood. To discuss the menopause was taboo but to talk about sex and the menopause was unheard of outside of a doctor’s surgery. It is time for change. Sexual wellness and the menopause Fifty one per cent of women report that menopause symptoms have impacted on their sex lives – and this doesn’t include the more indirect effects of low self-esteem and mood changes. That’s a lot of women, and a lot of partners! Embracing the experience involves recognising that when a woman reaches peri-menopause or menopause she will experience mind and body changes, alongside which her sexual health needs adjust. A good diet and exercise, hormone replacement and/or natural supplements are important at this time. Self-care is another key ingredient in managing the transition that the menopause brings and we know that sexual wellness is an essential part of self-care. Vaginal dryness and dyspareunia can affect libido and a woman’s positive experience of sexual intimacy; what that means is that women and their partners might need to take a different approach to stimulation and lubrication, whether for solo or shared play, and sex toys can play a hugely positive role here. Time to play At So Divine we are proud to say that we believe that the sexual revolution is not restricted to an age-bracket but that it can thrive for as long as a woman wants to be sexually active, whether with a partner(s) or solo. With that in mind, we have developed a range of sex toys, Embrace & Thrive, that’s specifically aimed at women who are experiencing menopause. Kegel balls are a vital part of rebuilding strength in the pelvic floor, and there are three sizes for progressive training. This also applies to the five-piece dilator set that allows you to build up at a pace that suits you. Each dilator can also be used as a bullet vibrator as well as internally for vaginal arousal, which feels great and helps to encourage blood flow to the area promoting vaginal health. The classic vibrator has been ergonomically designed and tapered to target the clitoris and other erogenous zones, and is perfectly sized for those new to sex toys. Yes, the menopause is time of transition, but we welcome that change because we celebrate female confidence and the dawn of this new era for women. We embrace female sexuality at every age and we believe if you play, you thrive.

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Blow Job Sex Tips by Sexpert Jess Wilde

Advice straight from our expert Jess Wilde on blow job sex tips... Don't Forget Foreplay! Foreplay is a great way to build excitement and prepare the penis for receiving a blow job and, depending on the type of foreplay you do, can also make performing a blow job easier too. One of my favourite tips is to perform a nice lubey hand job prior to using your mouth. Many people make the mistake of thinking lube isn’t needed for a blow job as the mouth is already wet, but that isn’t always the case. The general rule is ‘wetter is better’ so why not prep the peen with a drop of lube ahead of time? Adding lube will help your lips glide across his shaft with ease from the get-go and make the whole experience more enjoyable for both of you. You can even use a flavoured lube like the So Divine Strawberry Lubricant to make things even more delicious! Take Your Time & Build Up Anticipation Take your time and build anticipation. Taking the time to build excitement transforms a good blow job into an amazing blow job. Start by caressing and kissing your partner everywhere that’s usually hidden by their underwear, except their genitals! Stroke and lick their lower tummy, inner thighs and groin, but don’t go near their shaft or balls until they’re well and truly aroused. Once you feel they can’t take anymore (and if your partner is comfortable with ball play) move onto their balls. Next move onto the shaft of the penis, using your lips and tongue to stimulate the full length of the penis, all except the head. Leave the head of the penis until absolutely last. By the time you’ve spent all this time everywhere else, they’ll be practically begging you to put the head in your mouth. This technique of leaving the head until last not only builds anticipation, but it also increases blood flow to the penis and, therefore, sensitivity. By the time you put the tip in your mouth your partner will be so sensitive the warmth of your mouth will be almost overwhelming. For your own comfort, I recommend opening your mouth as wide as possible and sticking your tongue out as far as it will go. This will make maximum space inside your mouth to receive a penis and reduce gagging. It also keeps play really wet and sloppy, which is always a winner. Use Your Hands If you like the idea of giving your partner oral but you just struggle with performing it, there are some tips which can help, one of which is to use your hands too. Blow jobs don’t have to be all mouth, and by adding your hands to the mix to stroke his shaft, you can use your mouth on just the tip of the penis and create the sensation of you taking the full length, without actually doing so. Add Lube & Toys For Extra Sensations Lubes are a great accessory for blow jobs, whether you choose a flavoured one or a simple water-based one, adding lube to your oral play can enhance sensation and slip-factor, which can enhance the experience for both of you. Vibrating toys can also really enhance a blow job. The So Divine Adjustable Vibrating Cock Ring can really amp up pleasure during oral when worn around the base of the penis. The So Divine Vibrating Stimulator is another excellent toy designed to be used on a penis, its curved tip cups the shaft and encircles it with vibrations. It’s great for placing on their penis shaft or head while your mouth looks after their balls. Finally, a trusty butt plug is a surefire way to skyrocket your partner’s pleasure. With a butt plug in place, they can enjoy hands-free anal pleasure while you are left with two free hands and a willing mouth to take care of the rest! The So Divine Silicone Butt Plug is a perfect choice but if you really want to step things up a notch, the So Divine Vibrating Butt Plug is sure to do the trick! Maintain A Steady Rhythm Changing rhythm mid way through a blow job can halt the pleasure. You want to start slow, and incrementally increase your rhythm. Then maintain that rhythm. Changing from slow, to fast, to slow again can be a great way to help edge your partner, but if you want to make them cum, maintaining a steady rhythm is key. The main thing to remember is that everyone is different, and what one person with a penis enjoys, another may not. For example, some people love having the tip of their penis focused on, while others find this area far too sensitive. Some people love deep throat, others really don’t. The biggest mistake people make is not asking their partner what kind of stimulation they like, so be sure to communicate and check in to find out if they like what you’re doing, and if there’s anything you could do differently to really get them there, before you just assume. Focus On More Than The Penis The best blow jobs focus on more than simply the penis. The scrotal skin is an extremely sensitive area that can be very pleasurable when touched. I recommend going in gently, and checking in with your partner regularly to see what works for them. Softly licking and maneuvering the loose skin with your tongue and lips is a good place to start and, if you and your partner are comfortable doing so, you can pop a ball at a time in your mouth. Be careful not to suck too hard or twist the balls though as this can be painful! A particularly sensitive area is the perineal raphe (the line up the middle of the of your partner’s balls) so this can be a great area to focus on; try licking up from their perineum all the way up, between their balls to the shaft, and experiment with using a broad flat tongue vs a skinny pointed tongue to see what they like best. Oral sex is also a great time to explore perineum stimulation and rimming, as these areas are loaded with nerve endings and can produce immense pleasure when stroked and licked. Try combining some shallow rimming with a hand job to really blow their mind. Pick a Comfortable Position The best position for performing a blow job all depends on the shape of the penis! If the erection is straight, then almost any comfortable position will work, but if it has a curve, you may want to pick a position in which the head of the penis is ‘facing you’. For example, if your partner has a penis which curves upwards when erect, then positions like a 69 with you on top can be much easier than you being between their legs or kneeling on the floor. If their penis curves down, then the opposite would be true. If you have long hair it can make things easier if you, and give them a great view, tie your hair up, too. Have Fun! Don’t be afraid to get messy and look like you’re having a good time! A sloppy blowie which you’re really into performing will always be a turn on for your partner. Forget trying to ‘look sexy’ (you already do) and have fun!

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